The Worlds easiest Cheese Cake

There are 2 things in life that matter to me more than breathing. 1: Tirimasu and 2: Cheese Cake. It’s really that simple and I can sleep easy at night knowing that as long as these two things exist Zombies can take over the world and I really won’t care…..in fact I’ll make these these for our Zombie overlords.

This is the first dessert I ever made (apparently a Mars bar topped with a Curley Wurley doesn’t count).

1 Strawberry Cheese Cake:

1/2 packet of plain digestive biscuit’s (use ginger nuts if you feel fruity)
1 tub of full fat Phili cheese
500mls single cream
Castor Sugar (no measurements – use you own taste buds)
1 full wadge of strawberry jelly – the raw stuff
1 tin (yes tin) of strawberries
Stawberry booze (optional)
1/2 block of real butter (if you use marg may you burn in hell)

Start off with the biscuit base, sling all the digestives into a freezer bag and beat them to death with a rolling pin. You can make them as fine or as lumpy as you want but be aware the finer they are the more like concrete the result will be as the butter solidifies. You want the biscuit base to break up when the spoon hits it when you start reaching for power tools to get through it somethings gone bogey.

Put the biscuits in a bowl, melt the butter in the microwave the sling into the biscuits mix together. Get your hands on a flan dish with a removable bottom and like a plasterer cover the bottom with the biscuit mix, press down and into the side then bung in the fridge.

For the main part, get the Phili into a bowl then in a separate bowl start whisking the cream until fairly goopy but not stiff then cream both together. At this stage you start to sweeten with the sugar, when you’re happy with you own judgement stop! Next drain the tinned strawberries but hold onto a little of the liquid, about 2 TBS worth – sling into your cheese and cream mix and carefully fold everything together.

Finally melt the jelly in the microwave until liquid then lash into the mix – this is the binding agent. Now pour the whole lot on top of you biscuit base wobble the dish until the mix settles then back in the fridge for at least 1 hour.

Lick the bowl, smile, think happy thoughts, plan gym membership renewal, get stuck into the greatest most calorific wonder known to man 🙂

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